I have been wondering how the Coronavirus and social distancing is affecting marriages and partnerships in general. I surmise that one of two things may happen. Either one finds oneself in this first scenario or the second.
So now that you are not able to engage in outside activities, are home bound, with few distractions; your marriage may feel like more of a prison than a refuge. Being together where there is no escape, heightened by the turmoil and anxiety being experienced in one’s inner and outer world, may bring one to the breaking point. Stress and anxiety puts added pressure on a marriage as does worry about finances and the future. Perhaps now you see just how distant and disconnected you are from your spouse. You realize how fragile life is. Considering how short life is you wonder how to spend the rest of it.
On the other hand, perhaps by being “forced” to spend more time with your spouse with less distraction and pressure; it is different and even enjoyable. With no social engagements, children’s schedules, games, and events, the frantic pace is now more manageable and that can be a pleasant surprise. Maybe you are working from home? You cannot eat out and are making meals together. Spending more time as a family or couple and nesting may be just what the doctor ordered in this time of the Coronavirus. Maybe the expensive vacation you struggled to afford has been refunded to your bank account and you decide on a simpler, less hectic vacation when the restrictions ease up. Board games, walks in the fresh air, rediscovering hobbies and what you like to do when you have time is one of the benefits of this time.
Not being busy, do you find you are more attentive, patient and less tired. Can we use this troubled time as a wakeup call or a gift of sorts in either scenario? Is it forcing us to take a look at our lives, our relationships, and our way of being. Are you rooted in something greater than yourself? Do you have faith? Do you believe “All will be well.” as Julia of Norwich said.
Take the time that has been forced upon you to think about what needs to change? What steps do you need to take? Is it time to end your marriage or rediscover it? What information do you need? What support? What expert or professional can help? Begin the process before you again become too busy to notice and fall into old patterns that will destroy your soul when things return to “normal”.
