I was recently speaking to a therapist friend of mine, and we were talking about the effects of litigation on families and the aftermath of divorce on children, as well as the couples. She told me that when she was getting divorced, she went to the best litigator in North Carolina, where she lived at the time, and he told her that if she and her spouse had the right attorney, the case would be settled. He was emphatic that all cases should be settled.
He explained that his role as an attorney is to counsel the client based on the probable outcome, knowing the law. This is done after the case is properly prepped and the necessary financial information has been exchanged. Once the particulars of the case have been fleshed out, a good attorney knows what the best settlement would be. Often, this is the right time to have a four-way conference.
This is the reason why I’m such an advocate and firm believer in collaborative divorce. Collaborative divorce is a way to divorce whereby the couple agrees and pledges not to go to court. They work with their collaboratively trained attorneys to address their goals, concerns, and to best help their children through the divorce process. They and their attorneys make up the “team”. An added benefit to collaborative divorce is that it is interdisciplinary. What interdisciplinary means is that there are collaboratively trained professionals that can aid the team. They offer support, expertise, and invaluable information and advice. They can also become part of the team, if necessary. Their involvement and with the attorneys working together with the couple helps the spouses in the next chapter of their lives.
The professionals are collaboratively trained therapists, (serving as divorce coaches and child specialists).
Certified financial advisers, CPA’s, real estate brokers and appraisers who can also be part of the team, if needed. The goal is for the couple to have a final agreement that meets the needs and goals of the couple, as well as their children. All aspects of the divorce are handled, including custody, parenting, equitable distribution “asset division”, support, child support and any separate property credits. One of the biggest detriments to litigation is that clients, after the divorce, are often left picking up the pieces without assistance or direction. They may have to sell homes, obtain pension orders, refinance, and they are left alone trying to figure out what to do next, often without guidance from their attorney. The collaborative process allows the couple the opportunity to handle all these matters in a amicable and supportive setting. Collaborative divorce allows the couple to heal the past, deal with the present, and plan for the future.
I have had a number of collaborative cases whereby the couples were very pleased with the creative solutions and help that we were able to give them during this process. An attorney’s role should be to help their client on this difficult path, not put up roadblocks, destroy their marital pot with fees, and, more importantly, destroy their children in the process. Choose your process and your attorney carefully.
By Anne-Louise DePalo
