Collaboration is defined as the action of working with someone to produce or create something. It takes cooperation- working together to achieve the same end. As a divorce litigator for over 33 years as well as a collaborative attorney, the main reason divorce becomes a litigation nightmare, (defined as a divorce of wasted energy, time, money, and causing lasting emotional damage to the parties and their children) is because of lack of collaboration. This nightmare happens when the parties do not cooperate and as a result their attorneys and the party’s work at cross purposes.
In an age of no- fault divorce if a husband or wife wants a divorce he or she will get it. That is a given. The key is the steps you take to get there. The courts and the law are relatively clear on what the divorce should be and the path to take. Each spouse must disclose their assets, income, liabilities, and retirement. Statutes describe how to calculate support and outline property distribution. Attorneys must legally and ethically counsel their clients on this. It is their obligation to gather your information, review it, make sense of it and counsel you. After this process there should be the basis of a settlement
It sounds good in theory but the breakdown often comes in in one of two ways:
1) When a spouse refuses to comply and wants to delay the process
or
2) The attorney who takes a retainer will not work on the case or attempt to settle until there is a court date.
The worst scenario is when you have a both a nonworking lawyer who does not counsel his or her client and his client who is not cooperating and wants to delay. The next most harmful scenario is an attorney who does not counsel their client on what they must do as part of the disclosure process and the law. Instead they listen to what their client wants; rather than speaking with authority and telling their client what they are entitled to and what a settlement should be according to the law and justice
Working at cross purposes only delays and causes more financial costs. Sadly, you end up getting it to the final divorce, and it often looks like the same settlement as would or should have been proposed at the inception of the case. You have wasted money and at times years of your life just to wind up in the same place. In litigated cases lawyers and their clients are all working at cross purposes and nothing comes to fruition except frustration, anger and a depleted bank account.
If divorce is the end game isn’t it better to cooperate, move through the process, and obtain the best outcome. An outcome that has your input and creative solutions as well as components of an agreement that meet your family’s needs. All your time, energy, and money can be put towards the final solution. This is what collaborative divorce does. The clients and attorneys are all working toward the finish line in your time and based on your goals. It is a creative process.
You have advocates in your attorneys to counsel you, listen, advise, and respect your decisions. Support and expertise is given through the interdisciplinary team so that you have the information and knowledge you need to make the best agreement. You have collaboratively trained coaches, child specialists, CPA’s, real estate and mortgage brokers, financial advisers, and business evaluators at the ready if your circumstances require them. Information is freely exchanged and there is openness, transparency and discussion. Both spouses are included and no one is left feeling excluded. Time, energy, and finances are put toward finding a resolution. It may not be an easy road but you have skin in the game. You and your children will be the better for it. Why build a wall that will eventually have to be brought down instead of building a bridge to a new life and way of being.
